Islamic Procedure for Disagreements between Muslims
When muslim disagree with each other they should be cognizant of some very simple, basic Islamic guidelines. When we enter discussions of the type: "he is right, no .. she is right" we should as believing Muslims remember this:
Islamic scholars have (by the grace of Allah(swt)) established an entire methodology of settling disputes over the last 1400 years. Roughly speaking (in order of priority)...
The Quran (the word of Allah(swt)) is THE CRITERION for what is right or what is wrong.
Allah (swt) Himself has said that about the Quran.
Meaning of Quran 003.004 .
"Aforetime, for a guidance to mankind; and hath revealed the Criterion (of right and wrong)..."
When muslims struggle between themselves to find the truth the first place to look is the Quran—the citerion of right and wrong.
(2) Check the Hadith by an Islamically knowledgeable Muslim
The second place to look is the Sunnah of our prophet(saw) as stated in the Quran.
Quran 004.059
O ye who believe! Obey Allah, and obey the Messenger, and those charged with authority among you. If ye differ in anything among yourselves, refer it to Allah and His Messenger, if ye do believe in Allah and the Last Day: That is best, and most suitable for final determination.
Quran 004.065
But no, by the Lord, they can have no (real) Faith, until they make thee [Muhammad] judge in all disputes between them, and find in their souls no resistance against Thy decisions, but accept them with the fullest conviction.
Refer it to His Messenger means to check the Sunnah. In addition, do remember that one must let the sunnah speak to oneself and then conform oneself to its decree. One should NOT have a preconceived narrow viewpoint and exhaustively search the sunnah to forcibly contrive to make one’s point—this kind of search is not blessed. One should conform to the sunnah – not it to oneself. Let it tell one what to do.
The loose basis for this is the hadith that says that the ummah will not concur on error.
Sunan Abu Dawud, Book 35, Number 4240: Narrated AbuMalik al-Ash'ari: The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: Allah has protected you from three things: that your Prophet should not invoke a curse on you and should all perish, that those who follow what is false should not prevail over those who follow the truth, and that you should not all agree in an error.
Therefore check to see if there is ijma of the ulema on this particular point.
(4) If the scholars have a important difference of opinion, a lay person after a sincere and dedicated search of the truth and checking the various different intricate arguments can do research and ijtihhad to decide which of the two scholarly views he/she feels he/she will feel most comfortable defending of the day of Judgment if questioned about it. Point (4) sometimes unnecessarily leads to dissension between Muslims. As long as legitimate scholars have based it on sound islamic knowledge and endeavoured to solve the problem with pureness of sincerity, valid differences may arise. In fact, it may be possible for BOTH scholars to be RIGHT even if they say different things. We should not carp over the details in these circumstances. (We should direct our energies to solving so many of the important and difficult issues confronting Muslims.) Just because one scholar is right does NOT necessitate the other one being wrong. Here is a hadith to shed further light on this very important Islamic concept.
Sahih Muslim, Book 019, Number 4374:
It has been narrated on the authority of Abdullah who said: On the day he returned from the Battle of Ahzab, the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) made for us an announcement that nobody would say his Zuhr prayer but in the quarters of Banu Quraiza (Some) people, being afraid that the time for prayer would expire, said their prayers before reaching the street of Banu Quraiza. The others said: We will not say our prayer except where the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) has ordered us to say it even if the time expires. (When he learned of the difference in the view of the two groups of the people, the Messenger of Allah (may peace be tipon him) did not blame anyone from the two groups.
As one can well imagine that a major source of arguments among Muslims arises because people use the wrong metrics, standards, yardsticks for judging right and wrong.
What is generally NOT allowed is ...
One cannot just say that one should just do "such and such" because that is what his nafs, or desires are telling him to do, or everybody else is doing it, or his/her forefathers did it, or because it is difficult or inconvenient, etc. Did Prophet Muhammad(swt) or the Sabahah (companions of the prophet) do this? Just imagine the state of our religion if it was okay to do something just because the majority was doing something, etc, etc.
Nor can one pick and choose our religion. This is another problem in discussions. Can you imagine ... the murderer would cross out the quranic references to murder, the slanderer to slander, etc.
In fact Allah(swt) expressly prohibits this:
Quran 002.085
...Believe ye in part of the Scripture and disbelieve ye in part thereof? And what is the reward of those who do so save ignominy in the life of the world, and on the Day of Resurrection they will be consigned to the most grievous doom. ..."
Finally, remember that when Muslims discuss issues they should always approach the issue with sincerity, and freedom from impurities that can pollute a heart-- like arrogance. If one meets someone who likes to quarrel just for the sake of quarreling one should just leave that environment. Muslims should endeavour to observe proper Muslim adhab (manners.) Allah(swt) loves that Muslims should deal with mercy and humility with each other. (see Quran 5:54 & 48:29)
Remember knowledge (particularly of the Islamically beneficial kind) is strongly encouraged on all Muslims by many well-known hadith. The Quran began with iqra (read).
And Allah(swt) knows best.